Akpos mo Wan Die

Akpos No wan Die
Akpos and Ofego were having dinner when suddenly armed robber broke into their house.  Akpos wanted to run away but he said to himself dat if he run away, he might be killed so he freezed himself & stood like an image. The armed robber ordered for money but they did not have money, so d armed robber looked at d image, then turned to Akpos’ friend Ofego and said:

Armed Robber: Take a look at such a beautiful image you have in ur house, but you don’t have any money. Infact i’m going to destroy dis image.  sets his gun, points at the image(Akpos) and was about to shoot.*

Akpos: (screamed out!) Please dont shoot, I am d image of God.

Armed Robber: So here you are, I have been praying to you to give me job but you don’t want to answer my prayer. Today, since i have d opportunity of seeing you, i will not let u escape. When you get to hell, explain to them why u did not want to give me a job.

*about to shoot*

Akpos: (screamed out again!) Please, please, I am d image of Akpos. I don’t want to die!.

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WORDS FROM A FATHER TO A SON ABOUT MARRIAGE

1. My son, if you keep spending on a woman and she never asked you if you’re saving or investing, and she keeps enjoying the attention, don’t marry her.

2. My son, a woman could be a
good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your children and your family, please don’t let her go.

3. My son, don’t confine the position of your wife to the kitchen, where did you get that from? Even in our days, we had farm-lands where they worked every morning . . . that was our office.

4. My son, if I tell you that you’re the head of the house, don’t look at your pocket; look if you will see a smile on your wife’s face.

5. My son, if you want to have a long life, let your wife be in- charge of your salary, it will be difficult for her to spend it when she’s aware of the home needs and bills to pay but if it’s in your care, she will keep you asking even when all has been spent.

6. My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the pain in her body is nothing to be compared to the wound on her heart and that means you may be in trouble living with a wounded woman.

7. My son, now that you’re married, if you live a bachelor kind of life with your wife, you will soon be single again.



8. My son, in our days, we had
many wives and many children because of our large farm- lands and many harvests, there are hardly any land for farming anymore, so embrace your woman closely.

9. My son, under the cocoa tree that I did meet your mother could be your eateries and restaurants of nowadays, but remember, the closet thing we did there was to embrace each other.

10. My son, don’t be carried away when you start making more money, instead of
spending on those tiny legs that never knew how hard you worked to get it, spend it on that woman that stood by you all along.

11. My son, when I threw little stones or whistled at the window of your mother
father’s house, to call her out, it was not for sex, it was because I missed her so much.

12. My son, remember, when you say your wife has changed, there could be something you’ve stopped doing too.

13. My son, your mother rode the bicycle with me before I bought that tortoise car
outside there, any woman that won’t endure with you in your little beginning should not enjoy your riches.

14. My son, don’t compare your wife to any woman, there are ways she’s enduring you too and has she ever compared you to any man?

15. My son, there is this thing you people call feminism, well, if a woman claim to have equal right with you in the house,
divide all the bills into two equal parts, take one part and ask her to start paying the other part.

16. My son, I met your mother a virgin and I took more yams to her father, if you don’t meet your wife a virgin, don’t blame
her, what I didn’t tell you is that our women had prestige.

17. My son, I didn’t send your sisters to school because I was foolish like many to think a female child won’t extend my
family name, please don’t make that mistake, the kind of female achievers I see nowadays has made the male-gender an ordinary tag.

18. My son, your mother have once locked up the cloth I was wearing and almost tore it because she was angry, I did not raise my hand to beat her because of a day like this, so that I can be proud to tell you that I never for once beat your mother.

19. My son, in our days, our women had more of natural beauty, though I wouldn’t lie to you, some had minor painting of their appellation mostly on their arms, the ones you people now call tattoo, but don’t forget that they didn’t expose any part of their body like your women of nowadays.

20. My son, your mother and I are not interested in what happens in your marriage, try to handle issues without always coming to us.

21. My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.

22. My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, so that your children will take care of you too

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Akpos and the Driver

Akpos and his two friends attended a party and got themselfs drunk......On there way home they chatted a cab(taxi).When they entered, they told the driver there destination..The driver noticing that they were drunk started his car and turned it off..He turned and told them that have arrieved at their destination......they paid the taxi driver his money,, and he was happy that his plan worked... to his grtest suprise while AKPOS was coming down he gave him a sound slap....the driver thought that Akpos knew what he did but decided to ask Akpos why the slap and Akpos answerd ``YOU ALMOST KILLED US````

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Akpos and Bad News :LWKMD

Akpos’ elder brother, Tommy, traveled to London months ago, leaving behind Akpos, their aged mom & their pet cat, Kelly. Last week Tommy called from London to know how

they’re doing…
TOMMY: Hello brother how are you doing? how’s mom and how is Kelly?
AKPOS: Kelly is Dead!
TOMMY(after a pause): Akpos, bad news is not revealed in that manner. U should have started by saying something like, “Kelly fell
inside a well but neighbors are trying to rescue it”. Then when I call again U tell me, “Kelly broke it’s neck and is receiving treatment”. Then when I call again, U

tell me they did their best but couldn’t save it. That’s how to break a bad news in a mature way. OK?
AKPOS: Ok bros, understood.
TOMMY: Ok, so how is Mom?
AKPOS: Bros, Mom fell inside a well, but neighbours are trying to rescue her.
(Phone cuts).Tommy has been admitted in a private hospital in London after going into coma.
Akpos The Hunter
Akpos decided to follow his friend Osas on a hunting trip deep in the forest of Okomu reserve in Iguobazuwa. Akpos has never gone hunting while Osas has hunted all his

life. When they got to the middle of the forest, Osas told Akpos to sit by a tree and not make a sound while he checks out an antelope trail.  After he got about a



quarter of a mile away, Osas heard a blood-curling scream which scared away nearby antelope. He rushed back to Akpos and yelled; “I think I tell you say make you

quiet?”
Akpos replied : “Shuo, I try o, I really try. When green snake waka pass my leg I nor shake body or make peem sound. When gorilla come dey breath hot and smelly smelly

air for my face, I nor shake body or make shekele sound. But when two squirrel waka enter my trouser leg, one come tell the other one say, “Chei, see as this two palm

kernels big like coconut, we nor go fit chop dem finish for here, so make we pluck and carry dem go home”, naim I come start to halla. 

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WORDS FROM A FATHER TO A SON ABOUT MARRIAGE

1. My son, if you keep spending on a woman and she never asked you if you’re saving or investing, and she keeps enjoying the attention, don’t marry her.
2. My son, a woman could be a
good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your children and your family, please don’t let her

go.
3. My son, don’t confine the position of your wife to the kitchen, where did you get that from? Even in our days, we had farm-lands where they worked every morning . .



. that was our office.
4. My son, if I tell you that you’re the head of the house, don’t look at your pocket; look if you will see a smile on your wife’s face.
5. My son, if you want to have a long life, let your wife be in- charge of your salary, it will be difficult for her to spend it when she’s aware of the home needs and

bills to pay but if it’s in your care, she will keep you asking even when all has been spent.
6. My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the pain in her body is nothing to be compared to the wound on her heart and that means you may be in trouble living with a

wounded woman.
7. My son, now that you’re married, if you live a bachelor kind of life with your wife, you will soon be single again.
8. My son, in our days, we had
many wives and many children because of our large farm- lands and many harvests, there are hardly any land for farming anymore, so embrace your woman closely.
9. My son, under the cocoa tree that I did meet your
mother could be your eateries and restaurants of nowadays, but remember, the closet thing we did there was to embrace each other.
10. My son, don’t be carried away when you start making more money, instead of
spending on those tiny legs that never knew how hard you worked to get it, spend it on that woman that stood by you all along.
11. My son, when I threw little stones or whistled at the window of your mother
father’s house, to call her out, it was not for sex, it was because I missed her so much.
12. My son, remember, when you say your wife has changed, there could be something you’ve stopped doing too.
13. My son, your mother rode the bicycle with me before I bought that tortoise car
outside there, any woman that won’t endure with you in your little beginning should not enjoy your riches.
14. My son, don’t compare your wife to any woman, there are ways she’s enduring you too and has she ever compared you to any man?
15. My son, there is this thing you people call feminism, well, if a woman claim to have equal right with you in the house,
divide all the bills into two equal parts, take one part and ask her to start paying the other part.
16. My son, I met your mother a virgin and I took more yams to her father, if you don’t meet your wife a virgin, don’t blame
her, what I didn’t tell you is that our women had prestige.
17. My son, I didn’t send your sisters to school because I was foolish like many to think a female child won’t extend my
family name, please don’t make that mistake, the kind of female achievers I see nowadays has made the male-gender an ordinary tag.
18. My son, your mother have once locked up the cloth I was wearing and almost tore it because she was angry, I did not raise my hand to beat her because of a day like

this, so that I can be proud to tell you that I never for once beat your mother.
19. My son, in our days, our women had more of natural beauty, though I wouldn’t lie to you, some had minor painting of their appellation mostly on their arms, the

ones you people now call tattoo, but don’t forget that they didn’t expose any part of their body like your women of nowadays.
20. My son, your mother and I are not interested in what happens in your marriage, try to handle issues without always coming to us.
21. My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.
22. My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, so that your children will take care of you too.

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